BROWSE

2008 African American Literary Award "Independent Publisher of the Year"

A Small Minority- and Woman-Owned Company

EXCERPT

Somebody Prayed For Me

by Allyson M. Deese, Linda R. Herman, Tinisha Nicole Johnson

"Silent Cries," by Linda R. Herman

 

It’s been said that everyone has a story to tell.  Well, this is the story of a teenage mother, who was a victim of domestic violence.  Believe it or not, domestic violence is on the rise amongst teens.  The high incidence of domestic violence amongst teenagers is quite surprising to many people.

            In this story, you will meet Tanya “Tan” Johnson.  After you read her story, please sit down with your adolescent daughter and/or son and have a talk with them about domestic violence.  It is imperative that you stress to them that domestic violence is unacceptable at any age.

            At the age of seventeen, Tanya was raped by the father of her child, in their child’s presence.  Can you even imagine how you would have reacted to such a volatile act?  No one can.  Memories of the abuse that this young woman suffered remain with her today.  It’s a travesty that it happened to her and perhaps countless other women.  God willing, together we can educate the general public in hopes of minimizing the chances of it happening to another young mother.

**

            “He was the last person I expected to see that morning,” Tanya Johnson said as she sat in front of her counselor.

            “Do you think about that day often?” the tall, older woman asked.

            “Every single day.  I still have nightmares.  I can still feel the knife around my neck.  I…”  Tanya couldn’t complete her sentence.  The fear she had felt that day was coming back anew.

            The older woman, Olivia Anderson, reached out to her, gently touching Tanya’s trembling hands.

            “It’s okay, Tanya.  He can’t hurt you, anymore.  It’s okay.”

            Months had passed since the violent rape and even though Travis, her assailant, was behind bars, Tanya was a nervous wreck.  She still feared him.  She felt him lurking in the shadows and he stalked her dreams.  He was driving her insane.

            Tanya took a deep breath before attempting to continue.  Her heart was racing and pounding.  She felt hot.  Her palms were now clammy.  Would she ever be able to move past his attack?

            “Would you like to talk about something else, Tanya?  Perhaps you can take me back to the beginning of your relationship with Travis.  We can work our way up to that day.”  Olivia was careful not to say rape.  Tanya was already a nervous wreck and rightfully so.  Olivia didn’t want to upset the young mother any further.

            “In the beginning he was nice to me.”  Tanya smiled at the early memories as she told Olivia how her relationship with Travis came to be.

            “Do you remember the first time he was violent towards you?”

            Of course she remembered the first time.  The second, third, and twentieth time may have been foggy in her memory, but the first and last were never to be forgotten.

            “I tried to break up with him,” Tanya whispered.

            Travis had become angry with her for no certain reason.  Maybe it was something she said or didn’t say, but out of nowhere his kindness turned into something evil and ugly.  He began yelling at her, calling her stupid.  When she’d had enough and told him that the relationship was over, he hit her hard across her face.

            “What made you stay in the relationship after he hit you the first time?”

Olivia was making mental notes as the conversation progressed.

            “He cried.  When he realized that he’d hit me, he started crying like a baby, promising me that it wouldn’t happen again.  I felt bad for him.  At school everyone said mean things about him.  He was a bit of an outcast.  I think that’s what drew me to him.  He was so different.  I wanted to love him because he said nobody else did.”

            “Was that true?  After meeting his family did you still believe that nobody else loved him?” Olivia asked.

            “At times I saw where he was coming from.”

            The two continued to talk and before long they were at another crucial turning point in Tanya’s life.

            “How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?”

            Tanya didn’t know how to answer that question.  Though she had never admitted it to another person, the pregnancy had been a part of her and Travis’ plan.  Finding out she had actually conceived was the icing on the cake for her.

            In response to Olivia’s question, Tanya shrugged her shoulders.  “I love my son more than anything.  No matter what I’ve been through with his father, I wouldn’t trade TJ in for nothing.”

            Olivia smiled.  Tanya was avoiding her question and she suspected she knew why.  So again she asked her how she felt when she found out she was pregnant.

            “Is this confidential?” Tanya asked before continuing.  After Olivia assured her that everything they talked about would stay between them, Tanya continued.

            “I was happy.  Travis wanted me to have his baby.  We felt it was the only way we could see each other because by that time in our relationship, he wasn’t allowed to visit my home.”

            “Why’s that?” Olivia probed.

            “Everybody saw that he had some issues that I refused to see.  Momma didn’t like the way he talked to me, calling me stupid.  She didn’t like that he was obsessed with people being hurt or murdered in movies.  For some reason, he laughed as if it were all comedy.”

            “So you thought a baby would solve the problem, forcing everyone to accept the relationship between you two?”

            Tanya nodded affirmatively.

            “That’s what we thought, but that’s not how it worked out at all.  My parents weren’t having it.”

            “Do you still love him?  Do you hate him?  Do you think you can ever forgive him?”

            For a long time Tanya stared down at the hardwood floor.  She thought about good times and bad times she had shared with Travis.  She thought about their son, TJ.  After all the beatings and the rape, she still didn’t hate Travis.  Somehow she felt she could forgive him.  But did that make her crazy?

            “I don’t know if I love him, but I know I don’t hate him.  And I want to forgive him some day.”

            Olivia smiled at Tanya’s openness and honesty.  That statement alone assured her that Tanya would be okay.  Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually time would heal her wounds and she’d be just fine.

            “Let’s try to talk about that day again.”

**

            When the front door finally opened, Tanya was temporarily relieved.  But that relief was short lived.  Standing in the doorway was the last person she expected to see.  Instead of being greeted by Ms. Gail, her son’s paternal grandmother, she stood face to face with Travis, her ex.

            She had broken up with him months before, after three years of an on again off again relationship.  In those three years, Tanya had suffered countless beatings at the hands of the young man she once loved.  She had moved on and was now in a relationship with Jason Riley, a young man with a bright future ahead of him.  Unlike Travis, Jason wasn’t violent.

            “Where’s Ms. Gail?” Tanya asked Travis.

            “She sleep,” he answered, stepping aside for her to enter.

            Tanya didn’t want to go inside.  Something didn’t feel right.  Ms. Gail’s car was outside, so she expected her to be home, but she also expected her to come to the door.  Ms. Gail was always up, anticipating TJ’s arrival.

            “Come on in and put the baby on the sofa.  I’ll get Ma,” Travis said, disappearing down the hallway.

            Slowly, Tanya entered the house.  It was a cool morning and she wanted to get TJ inside.  Besides, she was running late for school.  She didn’t need any more tardies.  Tanya was in her senior year of high school.  She’d be graduating in May and the last thing she needed was a ton of tardies standing between her and her diploma.  That diploma was her ticket out of Cordele, far away from Travis

            “You be good today, TJ,” she said as she planted tender kisses on her baby boy’s forehead. 

            TJ had just turned one.  He was the spitting image of his father.  Tanya adored him and she looked forward to picking him up at the end of her school day.

            Tanya sat her son down on the sofa, placing his bag next to him.  She hugged him tightly and headed towards the door.  Ms. Gail had not emerged, but she knew he would be fine.  He was still sleepy and would no doubt doze off no sooner than she walked out the front door.

            Just as she reached the front door to make her exit, Tanya heard footsteps quickly approaching.  She turned around and was met by the sharp point of a knife that Travis held in his right hand.

            The front door was slammed closed and locked before she could blink.  Travis held the tip of the knife under her chin, daring her to move.

            “I’ll cut your head off if you don’t do what I say!” he snarled.

            “School…I gotta get to school,” she cried.

            He grabbed her long ponytail causing her head to snap back.

            “You sick for today.”

            With the knife to her throat he dragged her into his old bedroom.  She called out to his mother, but there was no answer.

            “Lay down!” he ordered.

            She hesitated at first, but he pushed the knife deeper into her flesh, almost slicing into her skin.  She complied with his order.  Her heart was racing and she shook uncontrollably.

            Without taking his eyes off her, he stripped naked.

            “Take your pants off,” he commanded.

            Slowly, she complied.  Tears were now parading down her cheeks.  From the corner of her eye she saw her son wobble into the room, totally unaware of what was happening.

            Knife in hand, Travis forced himself on her.  He took what she no longer desired to share with him.  He violated her as their son watched from the end of the bed.  A five-minute act would stay with her for a lifetime.

            When he was done he said, “Since you like to give it up to everybody else, you can give me some, too.”

            Pants back on she tried to pick up her son and leave, figuring he’d taken what he wanted from her.  As soon as she reached for her son he shoved her down to the floor and pounced on top of her.  He took her by the head and slammed her head into the floor repeatedly while he cussed her, calling her everything except a child of God.

            She tried pushing him off her, but he wouldn’t budge.  He wrapped his hands around her throat, choking her to the point where she had to fight for her every breath, thinking each one may be the last.  Her eyes rolled back into her head and she stopped fighting back.

            “You a weak bitch!  I didn’t even need the knife to kill you!” he taunted.

            “Fight Tan!  Be strong!”

            Tanya opened her eyes.  No one was in the room besides TJ, Travis, and her.  The voice she heard had to have come from within.

            “You got too much to live for.  Look at your baby, Tan!  Fight, baby!  I’ll fight with you.”

            She didn’t see her, but she knew the voice.  It belonged to her late grandmother, Nanny.  Tanya looked over towards her son.  He was now in tears, crying and screaming to the top of his lungs.

            She grabbed Travis by both arms and began pushing up.  To her surprise he moved.  Nanny was fighting with her and together they were able to overpower him.  She pushed until he was no longer on top of her.  Then it was her turn to be enraged.

            Tanya kicked him hard between his legs.  She grabbed her son and ran to her car.   With her son in her arms, she drove the short distance to her mother’s job.

            Carolyn didn’t know what to think when she saw her daughter.  Her hair was scattered about her head and her face was streaked with tears.  TJ was still screaming at the top of his lungs.

            “Tanya, what happened?  Who hurt you?  What happened?”

            Tanya’s mouth opened, but no words came.  Her throat felt raw.  She cried hysterically for five minutes before she could finally say the words.

            “Travis raped me!”

            Carolyn could have killed him with her bare hands!